I Heart Etsy

All the best laid plans of being crafty have been blown away. Even I'd had the time, the skill would never have come. The same can be said for learning to dance, and that, unlike decor, is not a problem throwing money at will cure.

Etsy to the rescue. I'm pretty sure I single handedly kept the site afloat this weekend with the purchase of peacock hairpieces, a recipe book style address/guest box, a welcome poster, and a custom map of Chicago for our trolley ride. It was so much fun, I felt like I helped shape what I was getting rather than my usual "hit Nordstrom 1 hour before the party" approach of shopping.

Here are some highlights... I can't say enough about all three of these sellers - quick, friendly, accommodating. The only bad thing? I've learned, once again, that procrastinating isn't ALL bad.

Officiant Peacock Headband From Sweet Grass Mill

Crystal Peacock Hair Comb for Yours Truly From Bridal Couture

Welcome Sign, by April Ink

Guest "Book" - Address Card Box, by rfrantzdesign

Chicago Map, Highlighting our Wedding Rehearsal Trolley Stops, by greenquince

It's actually coming together!

All 3 of my girls have dresses now. Yay. Now, I have 1.5 weeks left to get jewelry for them that helps tie 3 random dresses together (not to mention for MYSELF)! Any suggestions?

The winners are...

Maid of Honor - My Favorite Dress Ever (circa 2001 Kay Unger!)

Reader - Turquoise Suzi Chin Dress

Violinist - Green Anne Klein Dress

Engagement Pics

We're in heaven. How do you take two non-photogenic people, add 30 pounds to both that they'd like to act just snuck on them and make them happy with their engagement pics?

1. Get two great photographers
2. Take a LOT of pictures
3. Be patient enough to go through all the one-eye open, squinty face, talking pics to find pure gold!

Here are our top 4...

The Food!

Man oh man, I shouldn't have eaten lunch today. Adam and I went to our tasting tonight and it was so perfect. Laura had a table set in the Wilde Ballroom, where the ceremony would be and the first thing she and her team pointed out was the 6 different ways the napkins were folded. For someone who swore she would not be reduced to caring about napkin colors, this was an easy decision and we moved on to the good stuff. They brought out wine and since I don't drink it, I have no idea if it was good, but I was glad it wasn't bad (which I do think I tend to notice). Then, the appetizers started coming...

We're having passed apps during cocktail hour after the ceremony - to help tide people over while they wait for our massive family photo session to be over. I'd love to say we picked out each item, but really, Laura just put together a menu and we love it (with a few minor changes). So, we're going with:

• Tomato, Mozzerella Basil with Balsamic Drizzle
• Chicken Satay with a Yummy (a little spicy, but not too much for wimpy me) Peanut Sauce
• Pancetta-Wrapped Prawns with an Olive Oil Dipping Sauce
• Beef Sliders (with the fixins)
• Crab Cakes with an Amazing Lime Something-Or-Other Aioli

We're having two passed specialty drinks - a margarita (in honor of my dad's fave) and a raspberry puree, prosecco, and vodka drink that is oh so delicious. People will also have their pick of red wine, white wine, champagne, imported and domestic beers. I really should clarify whether or not people can order other drinks made with Vodka and Tequila. For some reason, when I said that I thought those two would be enough for folks (cause you can make almost anything with Vodka), it didn't occur to me that it might mean ONLY those two drinks she ended up putting on the menu.

For lunch, we're having a buffet with:

• a salad (yet to be determined, we tried a Caesar tonight and it was good, but I'm not generally a fan)
• a cold fusilli pasta salad
• tortellini in a cream sauce with peas and bacon (one of my dad's faves, and mine too...)
• roasted potatoes
• organic chicken with sundried tomatoes and artichokes (Adam loved his, I was so-so - I'm not big on food on the bone)
• spare ribs in a honey BBQ sauce (the original plan was a zesty orange spice glaze, but Adam wasn't a fan - again, I don't generally do meat on the bone and ribs are one of the worst for me because it just seems like a lot of work for a little meat)

I found it interesting throughout the process that I have the most bland taste in food (Taco Bell, Cheese, Ranch and Bread), but I'm being asked to make decisions for what is most likely going to be one of the most memorable parts of the event. I'd almost wish I hadn't been given a choice so I could say I had nothing to do with it if it doesn't turn out well. But I have every bit of faith in Laura and her team that it is going to be fabulous!

We did decide on cupcakes after all - but we're passing on Sweet Mandy B's and having the chef at The Wit make them for us. Looking forward to that, for sure! It feels SO real now.

Yay - we have a florist!

I'm so relieved to have found a Florist/Designer extraordinaire. One of my biggest worries throughout this whole process is my complete lack of style. For some reason, even though I think I can tell what looks nice on other people or in other places, when it comes to myself, I end up going overboard (think: TOO matchy-matchy) or get so frustrated that I'm just completely plain. I really wanted to incorporate the colors I love, without going crazy. Elaine has done such a great job of making sure I don't do that. She's really playing up the clean, minamilist design of the space with a few elegant pieces and a bit of color on the tables throughout.

When my friend Theresa got married, I remember walking into her house the night before the wedding to an abundance of gorgeous flowers all over the place. They were putting some of the finishing touches on the bouquets and centerpieces and everything looked wonderful. For being someone who is relatively anti-flower due to allergies, the feeling that they'll just die and having been de-sensitized by an ex who just sent them ALL THE TIME to the point that it was annoying - she made me a believer. Now, it was a no-brainer for me to look up Elaine for my own wedding. Lucky for me, she was available. Her company is called Bella Flora and she's worked in interior design as well as having done a lot of work for the big name florists around time like Botanicals and Heffernen Morgan. But, the personalized service she's providing me is really helping fill some holes normally taken care of by either a wedding planner or a designer (neither of which I have). So, from pinning back the drapes in the Wilde Ballroom for a spectacular view of Marina Towers and the river, to purchasing and pinning a luxurious runner that complements the colors of the room and the modern chairs and directing people once they arrive up on the roof after the ceremony, I am so happy to have that extra set of hands.

I love my DJ - Again!

Mary at Toast & Jam really came through and hooked us up with another, actually AVAILABLE, DJ, so we're now lucky enough to have Leslie doing our do just right.

This weekend, I slipped trying to plan our ceremony music in between spurts of work.

So far, this is what we have...

During Guest Seating

True Romance

Somehwere Over the Rainbow

I'm Yours

Groom and Groomsmen Arrival

The Luckiest (just beginning to end of first chorus)

Seating of the Mothers & Grandmothers

Can't Help Falling in Love (Ingrid Michaelson's Version)

Processional (Girls and Me)

Stacey and a pianist playing this version of Canon in D (but hopefully, better than these two play it!)

Recessional

PM Love Theme (from about 30 seconds through the end)

Still completely stuck on an introduction song, cake cutting and first dance.

Hair and Makeup Mayhem

Well - I had my (first) hair and makeup trial the morning of my shower. I was very worried that I'd end up with raccoon eyes (because whenever I wear eye makeup, I do) and for good reason because within 30 minutes, I felt like everything underneath my eye was all over the place.

One of the reasons I rarely wear makeup (in addition to laziness) is that my left eye and socket were badly damaged about 13 years ago and my eyes are now very uneven. Also, I blink too hard! I can't help it, my eyes just go all wonky. Because it gets worse when I'm tired and/or tipsy, some friends even call me Blinky. I seem to have mastered my own rare, subtle makeup application so that I don't think it's very noticeable. However, in both instances of the professional application, it's all I can focus on, and when I see it, even though I realize it's not that bad, it brings up lots of bad feelings because of how it got damaged in the first place. I know you are supposed to make your eyes pop, but it's driving me crazy that I'm picking up on this flaw in pics and it's something I'd rather not call attention to when every moment is being captured on film.

Anyway... I know better than to wear anything on the bottoms and rarely wear anything on the top other than some light shadow. Going into the trial, I knew this was going to be an issue, but was ASSURED, no, convinced that it was not about to happen this time or with this brand of makeup or with this expert's professional application. Well, it did, so 10 minutes before my shower I found myself worked up to tears (not helping the cause really) that my eyes had huge dark circles under them and the wiping was not helping the saggy/wrinkly appearance at all. Now, if you ask my future sister-in-law, she'll say it was fine. If you ask my fiance, he'll say "you look pretty, but sort of like you were punched in the face."

I loved the airbrush makeup application and felt like there was enough coverage, without being cakey (another pet peeve of mine). The first pic below is moments after it was completed and the 2nd one, later that afternoon. The makeup artist was right, it did get better with time and probably does look much better in pictures than it does when you're staring at a mirror 3 inches away and criticizing every single thing. I also really enjoyed the company of Mia - she did my hair as well and although I'm second guessing the style, think what she did looked very nice.

However, my dilemma is that I made so many calls and sent so many emails to inquire about availability, that I think I mixed up the girl I really wanted to try - who did lashes - with Mia. So, I ended up being shocked to find out she doesn't do them. Sooooo, as chance would have it, a makeup artist who'd actually been booked for my date emailed this week and said she was now available. I thought it wouldn't hurt to do another quickie, no pressure trial - with lashes to see the difference. Wouldn't you know it, I liked the eyes a lot (and am definitely going to go with lashes over Mascara), BUT, my face looked horrible! It was almost as if she took on the task of TRYING to make me look 15 years older (by the way though, don't EVER say that to someone who just spent an hour putting makeup on you - THAT didn't go over well).

I think there were a few reasons for the problems.

1. Horribly crazy, busy week at work that led to less than stellar personal/facial care.


2. I'd JUST come from the gym and didn't put on any moisturizer.


3. She went powder crazy.

So, the first two, I know I can remedy. The 3rd caused some sharply toned words to be exchanged between the two of us as she explained that she HAS to apply that much powder because her makeup application lasts for 12 hours or more and I responded that I cared more about the first 3 hours than the last 9. She told me, "well, makeup isn't magic, it can't hide that you're getting a little older, wrinkles just happen to the skin" and I told her, "Oh really? Well, I've been looking at my face for the past 35 years, including after my last trial AND this morning and have never seen it look like this, so it seems like a very inopportune time for it to decide to wrinkle right now."

Even after this exchange, I gave her the benefit of the doubt that it would get better as my natural oils mixed with the makeup. It did not, but man oh man, my eyes stayed perfect all day and night! I honestly think the wrinkly grossness was more my skin's fault than hers. Not to mention that she could clearly skip the powder step and I'd probably be as happy as can be.

A quick, not inexpensive trip to Ulta was a step in the right direction and my skin is well on it's way to being radiant. If you're interested, my self-prescribed cure (and a proven one at that) is MD Skincare Alpha Beta Daily Face Peel in the individually wrapped packets. It's truly magic. I use them for 30 days once every 6 months or so (except this year since we've been saving for the wedding) and love every second. I've also given them to friends as presents, much to their immediate pleasure and then disappointment when they are hooked, but don't feel like adding an extra $80 into their beauty regimine for the rest of their lives...

Okay, so here are the pics.

First Trial - Eyes (Just After Being Done)



1st Trial - Full, Fake Sexy Face



Shiny Hair!



2nd Trial - Hard to Compare This Crappy Pic With the Other, But Trust Me, Dry/Saggy Vs. Fresh and Dewy. I obviously still have wrinkles in both, but they were just really accentuated here.

Let the Peacock begin!

So, I wasn't going to officially say I was having a theme for the wedding, but I did know I wanted cobalt blue, emerald green and turquoise as my colors (since they have always been my colors, this was a pretty easy decision). Once I started looking for inspiration for these colors, lots of peacock stuff comes up and I definitely came around to the idea of trying to incorporate them pretty quickly (without being too "arts and crafty" as my potential florist said).

As mentioned, Janell is wearing a dress of mine that I've had since 2001 that has been worn by quite a few people (all of whom will be at the wedding). It's the blue of my tremendous trio of colors.

Stacey will be in green, Jenn will be in turquoise and Theresa will be in something along the same lines. My whole directive to them was to find a dress that they loved and felt they looked great in that happened to fall within the color palette of shades of blue and green. Now, it will be my job to find a pretty little necklace to go with each of the dresses that they pick out. I'm really not concerned with the dresses being similar in fabric, style, or length.

Then came the invites... This one was easy as can be (from RockPaperSizzle on Etsy, of course). The pics below aren't mine exactly, the designer is modifying the colors to match mine a little better, but my favorite part is the wrap around label for the envelope! I was so nervous about invites because for someone who is watching every penny like a hawk, I found my taste in invites to be WAY beyond my budget. I came across RockPaperSizzle by searching for peacock stuff on Etsy, so wowza to find out she is actually within my budget!

I'm thinking a peacock feather in my hair and/or in Adam's boutonniere and that oughta do it. But check in in another week or two and we better hope I don't rent a peacock to walk me down the aisle!

It sure is easy to forget to post!

Let's see, it's been a week. And what a week it's been. As usual, more work stuff than wedding stuff, but I did make some progress.

1. I bought a new dress! I found it when Janell was here for the weekend, but it didn't fit just right, so I made an appointment with the store's seamstress to see what she thought she could do. Lucky for me (unlucky for my wallet), I brought two of my best friends. I brought in my current dress and tried that one first. Definitely got some compliments (it DOES do great things for my waist), and I think they genuinely liked it. But man oh man, it was the neatest thing to put the potential new one on and when they didn't realize that I could see them in the mirror, I caught them making an "ohhhhhhh" face at each other. You know, the "ohhhhh, that's the dress!" face. That felt awesome.
   
2. Jenn finally got to meet Adam! She lives in Kansas right now and twice when she's visited, he's been out of town! I've repeatedly told Adam I wouldn't marry him without her approval (luckily, there was no doubt in my mind he wouldn't get it). But I do think we were cutting it pretty close. It was such an enjoyable night for me to chat with Jenn and Theresa and the fact that they got to see how happy I am makes me even MORE happy.
3. Our block of rooms at The Wit was set up and people started booking. There was a little glitch at first, but it's all worked out now. Even better? My future mother and sister in law are in town for my shower this weekend and while I was at work today, they took a stroll to The Wit and checked out the rooms (yay! they waited for me to take them tomorrow to show them the Roof!). I didn't think they would let them into the rooms or anything. Not only did they let them in, but they worked with them to find the exact configuration they wanted - a 2-room suite adjoined with a regular king deluxe so that the baby has somewhere to sleep, but grandparents are close too! I was nervous about people thinking it was going to be annoying to be so close to the train, but they said they were there for over 30 minutes (in a few different rooms) and never heard it once. Plus, the fact that everyone was so friendly (from the doorman to the person helping them with the rooms to the manager!) that it made them feel so comfortable. That's another reason why I felt like it was the right place. I think I mentioned before that I loved that it had the view and the style to be shi-shi, but the attitude of a family-run place that feels much more intimate than it is.
4. I finally ordered our invitations. Can't wait to post pics! I mentioned that I wasn't sure what the labels would look like on a cobalt blue metallic envelope and the designer made the cutest little wrap around label so the front has the recipient's address and then it wraps around to seal the back with our names on it. Adorable if I do say so myself!
5. We got a new DJ. I was so annoyed when the original one bailed on us, but Mary, at Toast and Jam didn't leave me hanging and found someone new! I hope she's got the endurance to make it through the wedding she has that night after our rocking daytime wedding!
6. Tomorrow morning (well, technically, this morning), I'm getting my hair and makeup trial. I'm nervous about it because I really have no preconcieved notion of what I hope to look like or what I want to do with my hair or anything. Again, perhaps I will post a pic or two to get some advice. The best part (as long as I like it!) is that my shower is in the afternoon, so I get to look pretty for it! NOW, I just need something to wear. It's going to be quite a morning.
7. I can't wait for my shower. I'm so excited Jenn and Theresa pulled something so nice together so quickly, especially with everything they have going on in their own lives right now! It means so much to me to have friends I've been close to for so long with me through this exciting time. I wish I could be geographically close to more of the people who mean so much to me more often, but one of my favorite parts of planning the wedding is how much more frequently we've been chatting - even if it is something simple.
   

It's been so nice to have my future in laws here. Adam's parents are just good people. And the fact that they made two great boys? One for me and one that attracted the sweetest wife to become my sister-in-law? That's just icing on the cake!

Speaking of cake... Portillo's chocolate cake and Sweet Mandy B's cake tomorrow. How does one choose?

I feel like a kid on Christmas. But I never got a brand new stand mixer on Christmas! I better go to bed so I can wake up!

I take it back, I don't like my DJ (or should I say non-DJ)

Just when I thought I made it through the week without a meltdown, I received an email from the Toast and Jam DJ, Tevis, that was "assigned" to us saying pretty much "oops. can't do your wedding." Obviously, we have no ground to stand on, but are left having wasted time meeting with and discussing our plans with someone who wasn't even available and took another week to tell us so. Not to mention that I turned down about 3 potential DJs who were less expensive than Tevis - and now they are all booked.

Great weekend with Janell!

Janell, my lovely maid of honor, was here this weekend and among other things, we were supposed to find her a dress to wear for the wedding. Well, technically, we did - it's one of my favorite dresses ever! It was purchased in 2001 for the amazing price of $63. It has since been worn three times by me, by Erika, by Jackie and by Bianca. Best part? You'd think it was brand new.

So, we checked that off the list pretty early, leaving me with a willing and able partner to take a quick trip down to White Chicago to see if they got any new dresses in that would be more city rooftop wedding appropriate than the one I bought on my birthday. What do you know? They DID! So, now, I'm faced with the difficult decision of whether or not to become a two-dress bride and work on selling that first one to a good home...

The best way to ponder that choice?


Over cocktails, of course! And what better venue than ROOF, at The Wit. It was great to get back and see it on our own, without all the dreamy wonder of the first time. But guess what? The dreaminess is still there - and it was even gross outside.

When we first arrived, it was too busy, but there was a decent crown inside and outside. As the night went on, it filled right up. Our server was very friendly and attentive the entire night - thanks Brooke - and we got to try quite a few of the yummy specialty cocktails on the menu. A few too many, some might say from looking at our pictures from the rest of the night...

We also had these mini Chicken Parmesan sliders, mmm, mmm good. Quite a few of the items on the menu sounded good (perhaps a little more adventurous than I'm used to) and I had my eye on everything other servers were walking by; however, we'd eaten a late lunch, so we didn't get anything else. In general, I love the small plate concept because I can never make up my mind. I'm the one who is always bugging you to order something I like so I can share. I also loved the way they displayed their menus on the tables. We've been trying to think of something interesting to do on our tables for the wedding even though we're not doing assigned seating and seeing their little brushed chrome menu holders made me want to put a quiz or thank yous or something in there for our big day.

Afterward, we wandered to the Bean and took some goofy pics - but also a really neat one of Adam and I kissing in front of it with the city mirrored in the background. Thanks Janell, couldn't have paid for a better pic!

The rest of the weekend though, not so productive. Well, wait a second, I take that back! On Saturday afternoon, we had our first meeting with our D.J. and all 3 of us loved her. Meeting her put me at ease over worrying whether people would dance and have a blast or not. I get the feeling that Tevis (from Toast & Jam) won't let that happen. She made me think a lot about all of the things I still haven't thought through yet, but it was good to get the juices flowing!

Janell gets here today!

Yay! My maid of honor will be here this weekend and I'm so excited! Mostly to show someone else the Roof at The Wit, but also because it will make having picked "my colors" official if we can find her an awesome dress! Speaking of dresses, this will be the first time that I'll be able to actually try on my dress from preownedweddingdresses.com - it's a lace up back, so I think Janell will have to put her back into it and tie me up tight. We're also meeting with our D.J. and florist, so it's official - we're doing this thing!

Lots of exclamation points there, perhaps it's because stepping on the scale today showed some good results! It's so weird that I've known for awhile that we'd be getting married this year, but nothing seemed to motivate me to actually pay attention to my weight. Ever since the "Great Reset" - I'm all about veggies and cut out the Diet soda too. Yesterday, I even THOUGHT about going to the gym! Baby steps...

I Suppose I Should Come Up With Something To Say

I could go on and on about The Wit Hotel, or the way I can tell in my voice and pep in my step how much more excited I am about our reception (and others, who don't even know about the change can tell too). I'm going again this weekend with my MOH when she flies in from LA and then very likely again when my future mother-in-law and sister-in-law are in town for our shower.  It's one of those things I don't think I could get sick of. Like my fiance, or Taco Bell, or this version of Can't Help Falling In Love. But I have a voice beyond that, I'm forming opinions about this process that I'd love to share with others, especially Chicago brides, to either get advice, give advice - or better yet make some changes to the way this planning process works. So, if I want that voice to be heard, to become a part of a community that excitedly welcomes new members, I need to make people want to listen.

I'm surprised at how hard it is to find REAL pics of REAL girls in REAL dresses. No more of this waif chick in some sort of weird sucking-in-shrugging-with-your-hands-on-your-hips position! Show me someone who looks like they'd actually fit in the sample size (or, gasp, something BIGGER, like me)! Maybe that'll be my new hobby,  finding pics of girls of all sizes in all types of dresses dancing with their fathers or new spouses or walking down that aisle. In real settings, in real lighting, the real moments that make every bride, and her dress, so beautiful. 

Maybe I'm fixated on this because I'll probably end up wearing a used dress at my wedding, or maybe because I'm bigger than the sample size. Seeing the photo on the model or hanging from a closet door isn't really doing me much good. And I'm too darn busy during the hours that salons are open to go in and try on a boatload of dresses (that wouldn't come close to zipping up anyway). Every time I google a question about wedding etiquette or ideas, etc., I come up with a million forums or blogs of brides sharing tips about almost every aspect of their wedding, but when it comes to dresses, I don't find that many real pics or real reviews of the dresses fit, feel, flow, etc. Perhaps it's because it's such a special thing for a bride to have a unique dress, so whereas you're happy to share a cute DIY cupcake tower you made with the world, you want the dress to be sacred. 

So many people crop their photos (or put creepy white boxes where their faces should be) on used dress sites. Are they embarrassed to be selling their dress? Worried someone they know might see them? Both viable options, I suppose. But hey, I'm the poor sap shopping for a used dress - at least you had the money to pay full price for it new! For so many of us, we want to share everything we love about our weddings from the rooftop in order to help others, and in most cases, I've found that we're not too shy to be pretty darn proud of these things when we're discussing with people. I say, let's extend that pride to our dresses and share the info. The same way you would about a Restaurant on Yelp. The people want to know how awesome your dress was - and maybe even why sometimes it wasn't that great.

What is awesome worth to you?

For everyone who has had to bear with me as I worry and wonder and wreak havoc on my budget, thank you. I realize it must be painful to hear me whine incessantly with an ever-wavering mindset ranging from eloping to having an inexpensive picnic to a destination wedding. At Christmas? No, October? No, August! It's not like you have anything going on in your own lives that could possibly be more important than me finally giving you the okay to buy your tickets, right?

I can also see how hard it's been to provide support and advice when I'm a crumpled mess from making so many decisions at work all day that I just want you to tell me what to do. Especially since one minute I'll say I don't want to spend more than $X and the next minute I'm googling String Quartets... So, to all those who talked me off the edge at some point or another throughout the last few months, I really do appreciate it - if it makes you feel any better, YOU are the ones I'm most excited to share this with. To be honest, that's what makes some of these decisions like budget and venue and timing so hard for me to make on my own. It's such a tricky balance between what I want, what I think those I'm closest to would like (or appreciate since so many of you are coming from out of town), and what I think the peripheral folks expect.

I've been struggling a lot because I wanted to make sure our wedding was unique and had personality. Most people who know me would say I've got plenty of "personality" to go around, but it's been surprisingly difficult for me to determine what the essence of Adam and I is. Since most of "my" guests have only met Adam once, it is very important for me to make sure we create an atmosphere that, amid all the hooplah, retains as much of the spirit of he and I together as possible. Yet, even though that was my mission (as well as: NO windowless banquet rooms with hideous carpet), I still found myself trying to please everyone else with each decision. One second I'm proclaiming, "You won't find me giving a crap about napkin colors!" or rambling on about how I just can't see myself spending money on a bunch of flowers that will just die or 100 hurricane candles that will get dusty in my garage and the next I'd be agonizing over not having the cash for nicer chairs. But I really didn't want to get caught up in those types things mattering to us to make our event special for all of you.

We'd come to the conclusion pretty early on that we were going to end up spending more than we originally hoped. And that was okay. Mostly because my naive guess at what would be appropriate to spend to get the types of things I wanted. But every line item on the budget that I had to add or modify (usually up), I did so very begrudgingly. Unfortunately, I started to look at planning as a chore instead of having fun with it. Before spending a dollar, I'd think about how else I'd want to spend that dollar -- what could it do for us, for me, for our future? 

Then, when the "Great Reset of Memorial Day Weekend" came upon us and there was talk of eloping or surprising people at the shower, I was all but ready to give up even the most basic things I said I wanted (that ONE photo of the man looking at me with so much love captured at just the right moment OR to have everyone hear the lyrics of a song that once defined my search for a soulmate in the quiet just before the ceremony). One would THINK if that all this spending and planning was wearing me down to this point of despair and stress, my reset would have ended with the OBVIOUS conclusion that we should just call it off and do something privately. But, I suppose if you know me at all, you wouldn't expect normal, right? So, to me, it makes perfect sense that my solution to spending too much money for something I didn't feel was "me" or fun and easy for all of you was to... spend just a little more money to make it WOW.

It's hard to make a decision like this when every day you're faced with economic woes and hardship that your friends and family are being hit with. That's why to me, making sure I spend on what's most important to me (vibe, comfort and awesome food) and not the things that aren't (pink/blue gel lighting to make a beige ballroom seem vibrant). I'll have to see how well I keep to this rule as I actually start knocking things off my list, but I'm telling you, if WORST came to WORST, I don't think anybody would even notice if there wasn't a single flower with a venue this naturally gorgeous. 

It's funny that for all my stressing, I haven't even thought about what would happen if it rains...

Shouldn't I Be Asleep?

The hard part is done, isn't it? I should be dreaming sweet dreams of not having to limit our guest list so dramatically, or, gasp, just getting some rest for once and not being stressed out. But alas, now it feels real, and I feel behind. My goal is to catch up on the planning this weekend when Janell is here, but since the current plan is for her to take the train from Midway, get off at Lake Street and join me for drinks on the roof of the new venue, I have a feeling Saturday morning isn't going to be an early one.

Not to mention, that the list of things to do with Janell is actually comprised of things I WANT to do, not necessarily need to do. I can't tell you how excited I am to actually go into the stores on Division and up Damen and actually have good intentions of buying something! Through Janell's tall, perfect body, I plan to live vicariously as she tries on every possible frock at Le Dress and Intermix (probably before heading to Nordstrom and finding something affordable).

For me, wedding dress shopping was not as enjoyable as it should have (or even could have) been. For one, I waited too long. So each store I went into, the women had more and more dramatic looks on their faces as they parroted back to me with shock, awe and disgust, "August? Of THIS year?" Yeah, yeah, yeah, ever heard of a rush fee? Just bring me some dresses. Or do you really not want my money? Some places, they actually said no, they didn't want my money because there was no way they could get a dress in 4 months. Secondarily, for someone who knew engagement was impending for a few months, you'd think I could have made just the slightest effort to go to the gym, even WALK BY the gym? But no, instead, I fill my time seeing how fast Jimmy John's can get to my house or unable to decide which lunch option I should choose and ending up with both.

So, after one semi-successful day trying on all sorts of wedding dresses at All About the Dress (owned by an old friend from my restaurant days who admitted my timing would be tough, but who I trusted implicitly that we'd pull it off), I came to the conclusion that a lace up back was the way to go to really strap me in there and pull off a waist. Unable to settle on exactly which one, I, of course, procrastinated beyond the point of being able to get it in time. Luckily, I was not AT ALL opposed to buying a pre-owned dress and spent plenty of hours scouring www.encorebridal.com, www.preownedweddingdresses.com, www.oncewed.com for styles I liked. It's amazing how many dresses are out there for sale - and some are an amazing deal. On the flipside though, I'm also amazed at how many dresses there are that have been worn and are still on the market for over $3000!

Other than the fact that I actually found a pre-owned, but never worn (2 dress bride) gown that I now have in my hot little hands, I did get a kick out of a few other things about searching for a dress this way.

1. People say things like "only worn once." I do realize that they could be trying to differentiate from that gown that has been passed around to 3 sisters or something, but the idea that a dress basically invented to only be worn once should be considered as valuable as it was when the bride bought it the first time because she happened to only have worn it on one 8-10 hour day where she ate, drank, sweat, danced and dragged it all over the floor amuses me.
2. As a selling point, these girl's mention, "Everyone told me it was the most gorgeous gown they've ever seen." Hmmmm, I'm sure your dress is fabulously beautiful to you and to your family and maybe even to some other folks. And I'm sure you looked close to the most beautiful you may ever look in your life (hopefully because you were glowing with happiness), but ladies... does becoming a bride actually make you impervious to the fact that people are going to be polite and compliment you on an item that you hand selected for this special event, perhaps at the expense of 100% honesty? Have you EVER told someone their dress was pretty, when it just wasn't? Or that the chicken with white sauce you tried to eat, but realized your efforts were better focused on the table wine, was the best meal you've ever had? I'm not saying it's wrong to make those statements OR, really that it's wrong to believe them if it makes you feel better. I just don't think that it serves as the most valid testimonial when trying to sell me a $2000 dress that has "some light staining in the armpit area and a few missing buttons."

Anyway, the point of this post wasn't to bash on other happy brides trying to unload their poofy dresses. It was to comment on the fact that as soon as we decided to change venues from Mrs. Murphy & Sons Irish Bistro to The Wit Hotel, the ONE thing I'd actually checked off my list on time (getting a dress) is now up in the air because now that I have the perfect venue, settling for something 50% off that fit? Well, it just won't do.

Nothing against Maggie Sottero, I love the way my under-exercised body looks in the dress hanging from my closet door, but doesn't anyone want to sell one of these tea-length wedding dresses? I KNOW I can't afford a new one, but I'm in the mood for somebody's sloppy seconds when it comes to Stephanie James' dresses.

I Feel Exclusive

I'm the type of girl who actually has to wait in line AND pay to get into the coolest new club in LA. I'm not skinny or hot enough and I don't know the right people. So, over the years, I've developed an attitude akin to "Who needs those silly, overpriced clubs anyway? They're too dark, too loud and nobody even talks to each other! I'll take a game of darts at a pub anyday." But who doesn't like to get fancied up every once in awhile and feel G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S? I know I do.

I think that's why I'm so excited about our new venue. The Wit's Roof has all the style and trendiness of those LA hotel rooftop bars where people wear swim suits but the pool is completely empty (yes, I'm talking to you downtown Standard) - but, without all the pretension. Yes, I realize that I'm paying to gain access to this exclusive venue and that because it's my wedding I'll feel like the Queen Bee no matter what, but there is something to be said about how Chicago does cool compared to LA's cool. Well, it's just... cooler. And friendlier. And more inviting.

The first time we stopped by, we'd been out and about all day. I was a sweaty mess who was dressed for walking - not lounging on the roof top deck of Chicago's newest urban oasis. I'd asked the man to make sure he wore something cool - although neither of us really knew what that meant in the realm of his wardrobe. And then proceeded to criticize his shaving skills. It was as if I thought Laura would take one look at us and be like "you dorks, we're full, try the inn next door." But you know what, she didn't do that. And considering in the 30 minutes we spent touring the hotel with her, no less than 4 people stopped her to ask about having an event there, I get the feeling she could have if she wanted to. Instead, she asked us all sorts of questions about what WE wanted. Not what they wanted to give us for what price, but what WE thought would make our wedding special. And no more than 30 minutes after leaving the hotel were we delivered a mouth-watering menu with the things we asked for (Martini Bar for Adam) and things we didn't even mention that were right up our alley (my dad's namesake Margaritas and coincidentally his favorite pasta dish -- and the one thing he'd cook for us other than awesome crunchy pancakes growing up -- Tortollini Carbonara...mmm, bacon, peas and cream sauce).

Short story long, I think it's awesome that I was so against a hotel wedding for so long thinking they were all cookie-cutter. Because if I would have been into the idea back in January, The Wit wouldn't have been an option.

The Wit Hotel Chicago Wedding

So, let me start by saying, The Wit hotel probably isn't for everyone. For example, people who prefer boxy banquet halls  to expansive floor-to-ceiling windows or musty hotel hallways to wide, airy walkways -- they won't like The Wit. Myself, I'm a fan. A big one.

Every spot from the hotel lobby, the library, the ballroom, the rooms to the roof has its own color scheme and style, while each still complements the other perfectly. And for a relatively minimalist asthetic, no detail is forgotten. Bright splashes of color coordinate with classic damask patterns. I'll post pictures soon and you'll understand. 

Honestly, The Wit hotel is the wedding venue for you, if you want:

• the convenience of a hotel for yourself and guests (in town and out of town)
  
• a one-stop-shop of ceremony, food, beverage, planning
• the gorgeous backdrop of the amazing city of Chicago
• the modern look and feel found in the sketchy West Loop area, minus the sketchiness
• a lot of cool factor without having a creative bone in your body (although I can't even begin to imagine how spectacular it could be if I was creative)!
• extremely responsive and attentive guidance from the Director of Catering
• to blow your guests away from the moment they enter until the moment they leave

I saw the guest rooms and thought, oh yeah, people will enjoy staying here - who doesn't love an ooey-gooey cookie and a yo-yo upon checkin? THEN, I saw our suite. Living room (that happens to be decorated in my wedding colors), kitchen (yes, kitchen!), giant soaking tub for two, huge king bed with a view of the Carbide building? Yeah, I'll take it, thank you very much. In fact, I may need to stay here once myself BEFORE the wedding, you know, just to make sure it's okay. Maybe a trip to the spa too...

The anatomy of a big decision...

While I've only been engaged for a short time, I've been secretly planning my dream wedding for ages. I'm sure that's not a novel idea for many women, but for someone who is not typically very girly, the extent to which I've dreamed up elaborate plans for this perfect party would likely be a surprise to even some of my closest friends. 

At different times, my fabulous Chicago wedding has been set in a city loft, at Cafe Brauer, an intimate Irish Bistro in North Center... you get the drift, over the years, it's changed based on mood, budget, trends, etc. -- for awhile there, it wasn't Chicago at all, but a beach in San Diego, Hawaii or even Mexico -- but the idea that remained most consistent through all this time (and I swear there is proof in all of my journals), was a rooftop wedding. 

Having lived in Southern California for quite a few years, everytime I stepped foot on a gorgeous rooftop (and there are plenty), my mind immediately went to whether or not it would be a perfect locale for my hypothetical nuptials. Where would we stand to ensure the most magical view for photo ops? What time should our first dance be to coincide perfectly with the sunset glimmering off of nearby buildings? Should my dress be a glamorous Hollywood number or something modern and city chic?

But when I moved back to Chicago, there just didn't seem to be that many rooftop options - or at least my lifestyle no longer led me to many to drool over. Going about my business of being a 30-something confirmed workaholic - who by the way, was single - that dream wedding seemed to fade off further and further into history. When I'd come across girls snapping pics in Lincoln Park, the glimmer of hope would return, but I'd bash it down with thoughts like: "You're in your mid-thirties, you've passed the point of the big poofy dress" or "It doesn't make sense to spend money on a party instead of saving for retirement - which is JUST around the corner!"

However, just like "they" say, when you're not looking, love will find you. Okay, they DO say that, but in my case, Eharmony took over to do the looking for me and the next thing you know, I was a giggling, love-dovey school girl again -- falling hard and fast for my perfect match. Cut to a year later and here we are planning our wedding! FOR REAL! Due to budget and timing issues (the desire to get a house, have children, etc.), I thought quick and simple should do the trick. A getaway to Mexico perhaps, or a casual beachside bash in San Diego. Due to the crumbling economy however, we were concerned that it would be difficult for some of our closest friends and family to make the trip and the man REALLY wanted to have a Chicago wedding being that he's new to town and is ecstatic to show his friends and family the amazing city we met and fell in love in.

We each had our own set of "must haves" - mine included Jenn, Theresa, Erika, Stacey, Megs, Janell, Bianca, great photos and great music. His included his parents, his brother/Avie/Porter Colin, dancing, Sweet Mandy B's cupcakes (okay, they'd be on my list if they weren't on his) and Chicago. Secondarily, I wanted something unique, something with character, style, and personality. So, we eliminated hotel ballrooms immediately, didn't even look at one. Then, after starting a new job that would likely take up a TON of my time, I felt I should eliminate stark white or wood-based lofty spaces because I determined that we didn't have the budget and I didn't have the sense of style to put all the $ and effort into making the space special. 

Enter The Grand Terrace Suite at The Conrad Hotel. WOW. Most amazing Chicago View, check - more than that - triple CHECK! Cool factor - check! Menu options - check! Size - sure, yeah, we can do an intimate gathering for 40, right? Well, no, it turns out that when you have 6 parents and 10 siblings (including step) between the two of you who are all married and most with kids, you really can't do intimate. Nor do you actually want to. So, while I have been holding onto the idea that some part of my wedding weekend would be held on this magnificent mile rooftop, it wasn't going to work for the wedding itself.

Finally, we came across Mrs. Murphy and Sons Irish Bistro and I fell hard. Exposed brick, stained glass, hardwood floors and a gorgeous lounge area with piano (plus a Wii room for the kids)! It was THE place, no doubt. The only small problem was, well, it's sort of small. So, as we started working on a guest list, we felt like we were cutting people we'd love to have with us to celebrate. If it were budgetary reasons only, so be it, you have to cut SOMETHING. But the idea of leaving people out AND making people who were there feel just a little bit out of the loop due to 5 smallish rooms where outside of the ceremony nobody would ever be in the same room at one time started to wear on me. Where would we be for our 1st dance? People wouldn't see the toasts of other folks outside of "their" room. Being extremely (annoyingly) over-analytical, it only took 2 months for me to talk myself out of this venue. But now what? Less than 3 months to go? Countless places eliminated in the early planning process now totally booked. Am I crazy to think I can possibly find a new location now? Probably. Am I just crazy? Definitely.

Enter desparity. Maybe a hotel ballroom wouldn't be so bad? Who really looks at the carpet and curtains anyway? TONS of weddings just have a plated chicken dinner, why do I have to be special? Say Hello to Janet Donovan at the Allerton Hotel. So responsive, so friendly, honest and open - and, you know what, the Renaissance Ballroom is actually freaking gorgeous and hey, instead of being outside the Conrad looking at the Allerton, what's wrong with being inside the Allerton looking at the Conrad? At least you know we'll all stay dry!

Then, I think back to when I was going to go the catering route and how awesome Stefani's Catering & Events was. Let's give them a call... Jennifer Monti seriously took me from eloping to being excited again in just 30 minutes. She was real and personal and flexible and friendly. Everything I needed. Not to mention a ton of information and advice about potential venues off the top of her head and great ideas for personalizing the event without blowing our budget after only speaking for a few minutes. A true pro. I'd be so happy to have her planning our event. Why then, you ask, isn't she?

Three words: The Wit Hotel.

One more word: Roof.

Now, an acronym: O.M.F.G.

Laura Ekker you are my special angel, sent from the place crazy people who don't deserve angels are deployed, on a mission to make me passionate again, not just about marrying the man I love, but celebrating that event with everyone who has made me me over the years.

He Snap, Crackle, Popped The Question!

The Proposal...

From Michele's Point of View:
Let's just say I had a feeling it was coming and spent just a little too much time in March wondering when (and how).

In a parking lot after a movie - What? He's getting out the car to get something out of his pocket? This is it!

A "special" trip to Taco Bell? For sure!

And then, there was a quiet night at home and we were just going about our business. Adam got up to clear the plates from dinner very quickly, with a sneaky look on his face, and something just seemed off. I said, "hey... what are you doing? and he responded with, "have you been good today? because I have a surprise for you..." Oh my goodness! THIS is it? What am I wearing? Do my nails look okay? He then proceeded to reach into the cabinet above the fridge and I kicked myself for not realizing he might have had "IT" in the house where I could have peeked. And out he pulls... a pan of Rice Krispie treats.

As he walked towards me with it, he asked what was wrong - and likened the look on my face to that of someone who just found out there is no Santa Claus. Before I happily munched on our favorite snack, I threatened physical pain if there were any more dramatic surprises before the BIG one.


From Adam's Point of View:
As I've already mentioned (and Michele describes above), surprises are pretty difficult to plan with Michele in general, much less when you know she knows it's coming. She's a planner. Me? Not so much. So, I'd see a little head tilt and a light bulb go off above her head each time we'd go somewhere.

I had a plan in place... She'd been in New York for a few days and we had plans to go to a great little Irish Bistro on Lincoln Avenue when I picked her up from the airport. I just needed to run home after work, grab the ring, make some arrangements and this is it! American Airlines had other plans, however, and canceled her flight. "Luckily," she was able to get on a flight 2 hours earlier - which meant I'd have to go straight to the airport from work and would have to put the plans on hold.

No reason I shouldn't have a little fun with her though, right? Here we are at a gorgeous restaurant - one that we'd like to get married in someday - sounds like a perfect time for hand holding across the table and a conversation about feeling like my life was "coming together."


3rd-Person Point of View:
Somehow, Michele made it to bed that night, although I'm pretty sure until the lights were off and the snoring started, she was sure it was still coming. A few days later, just after dinner...

ADAM: Hey! I thought of a way to make Rice Krispie treats even BETTER.
MICHELE (rolling her eyes in Adam's direction in a "I'm not falling for this again" kind of way): Oh yeah, how's that?
ADAM: Guess.

MICHELE: M&M's?

ADAM: No.

MICHELE: Caramel?

ADAM: No.

MICHELE (trying really, really, really hard not to get excited about the Rice Krispies OR the potential engagement): Peanut Butter?

ADAM (walking over with a foil-covered pan): Cloooose!
(pause for dramatic effect as he reaches Michele)

MICHELE (taking a deep breath): What? What?

ADAM: Nutella!

MICHELE (letting out her breath in a deep sigh): Oh. That is a great idea.
ADAM (dropping down on one knee and pulling the foil off): Oh, and also...

MICHELE (staring at the most beautiful ring she ever could have imagined in the center of a gorgeous pan of Nutella Rice Krispie treats): Yes!

ADAM: [now he actually asks her to spend the rest of her life with him in a romantic, lengthy - private - declaration]

MICHELE: Yes. Again. Still. Always.