The Food!

Man oh man, I shouldn't have eaten lunch today. Adam and I went to our tasting tonight and it was so perfect. Laura had a table set in the Wilde Ballroom, where the ceremony would be and the first thing she and her team pointed out was the 6 different ways the napkins were folded. For someone who swore she would not be reduced to caring about napkin colors, this was an easy decision and we moved on to the good stuff. They brought out wine and since I don't drink it, I have no idea if it was good, but I was glad it wasn't bad (which I do think I tend to notice). Then, the appetizers started coming...

We're having passed apps during cocktail hour after the ceremony - to help tide people over while they wait for our massive family photo session to be over. I'd love to say we picked out each item, but really, Laura just put together a menu and we love it (with a few minor changes). So, we're going with:

• Tomato, Mozzerella Basil with Balsamic Drizzle
• Chicken Satay with a Yummy (a little spicy, but not too much for wimpy me) Peanut Sauce
• Pancetta-Wrapped Prawns with an Olive Oil Dipping Sauce
• Beef Sliders (with the fixins)
• Crab Cakes with an Amazing Lime Something-Or-Other Aioli

We're having two passed specialty drinks - a margarita (in honor of my dad's fave) and a raspberry puree, prosecco, and vodka drink that is oh so delicious. People will also have their pick of red wine, white wine, champagne, imported and domestic beers. I really should clarify whether or not people can order other drinks made with Vodka and Tequila. For some reason, when I said that I thought those two would be enough for folks (cause you can make almost anything with Vodka), it didn't occur to me that it might mean ONLY those two drinks she ended up putting on the menu.

For lunch, we're having a buffet with:

• a salad (yet to be determined, we tried a Caesar tonight and it was good, but I'm not generally a fan)
• a cold fusilli pasta salad
• tortellini in a cream sauce with peas and bacon (one of my dad's faves, and mine too...)
• roasted potatoes
• organic chicken with sundried tomatoes and artichokes (Adam loved his, I was so-so - I'm not big on food on the bone)
• spare ribs in a honey BBQ sauce (the original plan was a zesty orange spice glaze, but Adam wasn't a fan - again, I don't generally do meat on the bone and ribs are one of the worst for me because it just seems like a lot of work for a little meat)

I found it interesting throughout the process that I have the most bland taste in food (Taco Bell, Cheese, Ranch and Bread), but I'm being asked to make decisions for what is most likely going to be one of the most memorable parts of the event. I'd almost wish I hadn't been given a choice so I could say I had nothing to do with it if it doesn't turn out well. But I have every bit of faith in Laura and her team that it is going to be fabulous!

We did decide on cupcakes after all - but we're passing on Sweet Mandy B's and having the chef at The Wit make them for us. Looking forward to that, for sure! It feels SO real now.

Janell gets here today!

Yay! My maid of honor will be here this weekend and I'm so excited! Mostly to show someone else the Roof at The Wit, but also because it will make having picked "my colors" official if we can find her an awesome dress! Speaking of dresses, this will be the first time that I'll be able to actually try on my dress from preownedweddingdresses.com - it's a lace up back, so I think Janell will have to put her back into it and tie me up tight. We're also meeting with our D.J. and florist, so it's official - we're doing this thing!

Lots of exclamation points there, perhaps it's because stepping on the scale today showed some good results! It's so weird that I've known for awhile that we'd be getting married this year, but nothing seemed to motivate me to actually pay attention to my weight. Ever since the "Great Reset" - I'm all about veggies and cut out the Diet soda too. Yesterday, I even THOUGHT about going to the gym! Baby steps...

What is awesome worth to you?

For everyone who has had to bear with me as I worry and wonder and wreak havoc on my budget, thank you. I realize it must be painful to hear me whine incessantly with an ever-wavering mindset ranging from eloping to having an inexpensive picnic to a destination wedding. At Christmas? No, October? No, August! It's not like you have anything going on in your own lives that could possibly be more important than me finally giving you the okay to buy your tickets, right?

I can also see how hard it's been to provide support and advice when I'm a crumpled mess from making so many decisions at work all day that I just want you to tell me what to do. Especially since one minute I'll say I don't want to spend more than $X and the next minute I'm googling String Quartets... So, to all those who talked me off the edge at some point or another throughout the last few months, I really do appreciate it - if it makes you feel any better, YOU are the ones I'm most excited to share this with. To be honest, that's what makes some of these decisions like budget and venue and timing so hard for me to make on my own. It's such a tricky balance between what I want, what I think those I'm closest to would like (or appreciate since so many of you are coming from out of town), and what I think the peripheral folks expect.

I've been struggling a lot because I wanted to make sure our wedding was unique and had personality. Most people who know me would say I've got plenty of "personality" to go around, but it's been surprisingly difficult for me to determine what the essence of Adam and I is. Since most of "my" guests have only met Adam once, it is very important for me to make sure we create an atmosphere that, amid all the hooplah, retains as much of the spirit of he and I together as possible. Yet, even though that was my mission (as well as: NO windowless banquet rooms with hideous carpet), I still found myself trying to please everyone else with each decision. One second I'm proclaiming, "You won't find me giving a crap about napkin colors!" or rambling on about how I just can't see myself spending money on a bunch of flowers that will just die or 100 hurricane candles that will get dusty in my garage and the next I'd be agonizing over not having the cash for nicer chairs. But I really didn't want to get caught up in those types things mattering to us to make our event special for all of you.

We'd come to the conclusion pretty early on that we were going to end up spending more than we originally hoped. And that was okay. Mostly because my naive guess at what would be appropriate to spend to get the types of things I wanted. But every line item on the budget that I had to add or modify (usually up), I did so very begrudgingly. Unfortunately, I started to look at planning as a chore instead of having fun with it. Before spending a dollar, I'd think about how else I'd want to spend that dollar -- what could it do for us, for me, for our future? 

Then, when the "Great Reset of Memorial Day Weekend" came upon us and there was talk of eloping or surprising people at the shower, I was all but ready to give up even the most basic things I said I wanted (that ONE photo of the man looking at me with so much love captured at just the right moment OR to have everyone hear the lyrics of a song that once defined my search for a soulmate in the quiet just before the ceremony). One would THINK if that all this spending and planning was wearing me down to this point of despair and stress, my reset would have ended with the OBVIOUS conclusion that we should just call it off and do something privately. But, I suppose if you know me at all, you wouldn't expect normal, right? So, to me, it makes perfect sense that my solution to spending too much money for something I didn't feel was "me" or fun and easy for all of you was to... spend just a little more money to make it WOW.

It's hard to make a decision like this when every day you're faced with economic woes and hardship that your friends and family are being hit with. That's why to me, making sure I spend on what's most important to me (vibe, comfort and awesome food) and not the things that aren't (pink/blue gel lighting to make a beige ballroom seem vibrant). I'll have to see how well I keep to this rule as I actually start knocking things off my list, but I'm telling you, if WORST came to WORST, I don't think anybody would even notice if there wasn't a single flower with a venue this naturally gorgeous. 

It's funny that for all my stressing, I haven't even thought about what would happen if it rains...

Shouldn't I Be Asleep?

The hard part is done, isn't it? I should be dreaming sweet dreams of not having to limit our guest list so dramatically, or, gasp, just getting some rest for once and not being stressed out. But alas, now it feels real, and I feel behind. My goal is to catch up on the planning this weekend when Janell is here, but since the current plan is for her to take the train from Midway, get off at Lake Street and join me for drinks on the roof of the new venue, I have a feeling Saturday morning isn't going to be an early one.

Not to mention, that the list of things to do with Janell is actually comprised of things I WANT to do, not necessarily need to do. I can't tell you how excited I am to actually go into the stores on Division and up Damen and actually have good intentions of buying something! Through Janell's tall, perfect body, I plan to live vicariously as she tries on every possible frock at Le Dress and Intermix (probably before heading to Nordstrom and finding something affordable).

For me, wedding dress shopping was not as enjoyable as it should have (or even could have) been. For one, I waited too long. So each store I went into, the women had more and more dramatic looks on their faces as they parroted back to me with shock, awe and disgust, "August? Of THIS year?" Yeah, yeah, yeah, ever heard of a rush fee? Just bring me some dresses. Or do you really not want my money? Some places, they actually said no, they didn't want my money because there was no way they could get a dress in 4 months. Secondarily, for someone who knew engagement was impending for a few months, you'd think I could have made just the slightest effort to go to the gym, even WALK BY the gym? But no, instead, I fill my time seeing how fast Jimmy John's can get to my house or unable to decide which lunch option I should choose and ending up with both.

So, after one semi-successful day trying on all sorts of wedding dresses at All About the Dress (owned by an old friend from my restaurant days who admitted my timing would be tough, but who I trusted implicitly that we'd pull it off), I came to the conclusion that a lace up back was the way to go to really strap me in there and pull off a waist. Unable to settle on exactly which one, I, of course, procrastinated beyond the point of being able to get it in time. Luckily, I was not AT ALL opposed to buying a pre-owned dress and spent plenty of hours scouring www.encorebridal.com, www.preownedweddingdresses.com, www.oncewed.com for styles I liked. It's amazing how many dresses are out there for sale - and some are an amazing deal. On the flipside though, I'm also amazed at how many dresses there are that have been worn and are still on the market for over $3000!

Other than the fact that I actually found a pre-owned, but never worn (2 dress bride) gown that I now have in my hot little hands, I did get a kick out of a few other things about searching for a dress this way.

1. People say things like "only worn once." I do realize that they could be trying to differentiate from that gown that has been passed around to 3 sisters or something, but the idea that a dress basically invented to only be worn once should be considered as valuable as it was when the bride bought it the first time because she happened to only have worn it on one 8-10 hour day where she ate, drank, sweat, danced and dragged it all over the floor amuses me.
2. As a selling point, these girl's mention, "Everyone told me it was the most gorgeous gown they've ever seen." Hmmmm, I'm sure your dress is fabulously beautiful to you and to your family and maybe even to some other folks. And I'm sure you looked close to the most beautiful you may ever look in your life (hopefully because you were glowing with happiness), but ladies... does becoming a bride actually make you impervious to the fact that people are going to be polite and compliment you on an item that you hand selected for this special event, perhaps at the expense of 100% honesty? Have you EVER told someone their dress was pretty, when it just wasn't? Or that the chicken with white sauce you tried to eat, but realized your efforts were better focused on the table wine, was the best meal you've ever had? I'm not saying it's wrong to make those statements OR, really that it's wrong to believe them if it makes you feel better. I just don't think that it serves as the most valid testimonial when trying to sell me a $2000 dress that has "some light staining in the armpit area and a few missing buttons."

Anyway, the point of this post wasn't to bash on other happy brides trying to unload their poofy dresses. It was to comment on the fact that as soon as we decided to change venues from Mrs. Murphy & Sons Irish Bistro to The Wit Hotel, the ONE thing I'd actually checked off my list on time (getting a dress) is now up in the air because now that I have the perfect venue, settling for something 50% off that fit? Well, it just won't do.

Nothing against Maggie Sottero, I love the way my under-exercised body looks in the dress hanging from my closet door, but doesn't anyone want to sell one of these tea-length wedding dresses? I KNOW I can't afford a new one, but I'm in the mood for somebody's sloppy seconds when it comes to Stephanie James' dresses.

I Feel Exclusive

I'm the type of girl who actually has to wait in line AND pay to get into the coolest new club in LA. I'm not skinny or hot enough and I don't know the right people. So, over the years, I've developed an attitude akin to "Who needs those silly, overpriced clubs anyway? They're too dark, too loud and nobody even talks to each other! I'll take a game of darts at a pub anyday." But who doesn't like to get fancied up every once in awhile and feel G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S? I know I do.

I think that's why I'm so excited about our new venue. The Wit's Roof has all the style and trendiness of those LA hotel rooftop bars where people wear swim suits but the pool is completely empty (yes, I'm talking to you downtown Standard) - but, without all the pretension. Yes, I realize that I'm paying to gain access to this exclusive venue and that because it's my wedding I'll feel like the Queen Bee no matter what, but there is something to be said about how Chicago does cool compared to LA's cool. Well, it's just... cooler. And friendlier. And more inviting.

The first time we stopped by, we'd been out and about all day. I was a sweaty mess who was dressed for walking - not lounging on the roof top deck of Chicago's newest urban oasis. I'd asked the man to make sure he wore something cool - although neither of us really knew what that meant in the realm of his wardrobe. And then proceeded to criticize his shaving skills. It was as if I thought Laura would take one look at us and be like "you dorks, we're full, try the inn next door." But you know what, she didn't do that. And considering in the 30 minutes we spent touring the hotel with her, no less than 4 people stopped her to ask about having an event there, I get the feeling she could have if she wanted to. Instead, she asked us all sorts of questions about what WE wanted. Not what they wanted to give us for what price, but what WE thought would make our wedding special. And no more than 30 minutes after leaving the hotel were we delivered a mouth-watering menu with the things we asked for (Martini Bar for Adam) and things we didn't even mention that were right up our alley (my dad's namesake Margaritas and coincidentally his favorite pasta dish -- and the one thing he'd cook for us other than awesome crunchy pancakes growing up -- Tortollini Carbonara...mmm, bacon, peas and cream sauce).

Short story long, I think it's awesome that I was so against a hotel wedding for so long thinking they were all cookie-cutter. Because if I would have been into the idea back in January, The Wit wouldn't have been an option.

The Wit Hotel Chicago Wedding

So, let me start by saying, The Wit hotel probably isn't for everyone. For example, people who prefer boxy banquet halls  to expansive floor-to-ceiling windows or musty hotel hallways to wide, airy walkways -- they won't like The Wit. Myself, I'm a fan. A big one.

Every spot from the hotel lobby, the library, the ballroom, the rooms to the roof has its own color scheme and style, while each still complements the other perfectly. And for a relatively minimalist asthetic, no detail is forgotten. Bright splashes of color coordinate with classic damask patterns. I'll post pictures soon and you'll understand. 

Honestly, The Wit hotel is the wedding venue for you, if you want:

• the convenience of a hotel for yourself and guests (in town and out of town)
  
• a one-stop-shop of ceremony, food, beverage, planning
• the gorgeous backdrop of the amazing city of Chicago
• the modern look and feel found in the sketchy West Loop area, minus the sketchiness
• a lot of cool factor without having a creative bone in your body (although I can't even begin to imagine how spectacular it could be if I was creative)!
• extremely responsive and attentive guidance from the Director of Catering
• to blow your guests away from the moment they enter until the moment they leave

I saw the guest rooms and thought, oh yeah, people will enjoy staying here - who doesn't love an ooey-gooey cookie and a yo-yo upon checkin? THEN, I saw our suite. Living room (that happens to be decorated in my wedding colors), kitchen (yes, kitchen!), giant soaking tub for two, huge king bed with a view of the Carbide building? Yeah, I'll take it, thank you very much. In fact, I may need to stay here once myself BEFORE the wedding, you know, just to make sure it's okay. Maybe a trip to the spa too...

The anatomy of a big decision...

While I've only been engaged for a short time, I've been secretly planning my dream wedding for ages. I'm sure that's not a novel idea for many women, but for someone who is not typically very girly, the extent to which I've dreamed up elaborate plans for this perfect party would likely be a surprise to even some of my closest friends. 

At different times, my fabulous Chicago wedding has been set in a city loft, at Cafe Brauer, an intimate Irish Bistro in North Center... you get the drift, over the years, it's changed based on mood, budget, trends, etc. -- for awhile there, it wasn't Chicago at all, but a beach in San Diego, Hawaii or even Mexico -- but the idea that remained most consistent through all this time (and I swear there is proof in all of my journals), was a rooftop wedding. 

Having lived in Southern California for quite a few years, everytime I stepped foot on a gorgeous rooftop (and there are plenty), my mind immediately went to whether or not it would be a perfect locale for my hypothetical nuptials. Where would we stand to ensure the most magical view for photo ops? What time should our first dance be to coincide perfectly with the sunset glimmering off of nearby buildings? Should my dress be a glamorous Hollywood number or something modern and city chic?

But when I moved back to Chicago, there just didn't seem to be that many rooftop options - or at least my lifestyle no longer led me to many to drool over. Going about my business of being a 30-something confirmed workaholic - who by the way, was single - that dream wedding seemed to fade off further and further into history. When I'd come across girls snapping pics in Lincoln Park, the glimmer of hope would return, but I'd bash it down with thoughts like: "You're in your mid-thirties, you've passed the point of the big poofy dress" or "It doesn't make sense to spend money on a party instead of saving for retirement - which is JUST around the corner!"

However, just like "they" say, when you're not looking, love will find you. Okay, they DO say that, but in my case, Eharmony took over to do the looking for me and the next thing you know, I was a giggling, love-dovey school girl again -- falling hard and fast for my perfect match. Cut to a year later and here we are planning our wedding! FOR REAL! Due to budget and timing issues (the desire to get a house, have children, etc.), I thought quick and simple should do the trick. A getaway to Mexico perhaps, or a casual beachside bash in San Diego. Due to the crumbling economy however, we were concerned that it would be difficult for some of our closest friends and family to make the trip and the man REALLY wanted to have a Chicago wedding being that he's new to town and is ecstatic to show his friends and family the amazing city we met and fell in love in.

We each had our own set of "must haves" - mine included Jenn, Theresa, Erika, Stacey, Megs, Janell, Bianca, great photos and great music. His included his parents, his brother/Avie/Porter Colin, dancing, Sweet Mandy B's cupcakes (okay, they'd be on my list if they weren't on his) and Chicago. Secondarily, I wanted something unique, something with character, style, and personality. So, we eliminated hotel ballrooms immediately, didn't even look at one. Then, after starting a new job that would likely take up a TON of my time, I felt I should eliminate stark white or wood-based lofty spaces because I determined that we didn't have the budget and I didn't have the sense of style to put all the $ and effort into making the space special. 

Enter The Grand Terrace Suite at The Conrad Hotel. WOW. Most amazing Chicago View, check - more than that - triple CHECK! Cool factor - check! Menu options - check! Size - sure, yeah, we can do an intimate gathering for 40, right? Well, no, it turns out that when you have 6 parents and 10 siblings (including step) between the two of you who are all married and most with kids, you really can't do intimate. Nor do you actually want to. So, while I have been holding onto the idea that some part of my wedding weekend would be held on this magnificent mile rooftop, it wasn't going to work for the wedding itself.

Finally, we came across Mrs. Murphy and Sons Irish Bistro and I fell hard. Exposed brick, stained glass, hardwood floors and a gorgeous lounge area with piano (plus a Wii room for the kids)! It was THE place, no doubt. The only small problem was, well, it's sort of small. So, as we started working on a guest list, we felt like we were cutting people we'd love to have with us to celebrate. If it were budgetary reasons only, so be it, you have to cut SOMETHING. But the idea of leaving people out AND making people who were there feel just a little bit out of the loop due to 5 smallish rooms where outside of the ceremony nobody would ever be in the same room at one time started to wear on me. Where would we be for our 1st dance? People wouldn't see the toasts of other folks outside of "their" room. Being extremely (annoyingly) over-analytical, it only took 2 months for me to talk myself out of this venue. But now what? Less than 3 months to go? Countless places eliminated in the early planning process now totally booked. Am I crazy to think I can possibly find a new location now? Probably. Am I just crazy? Definitely.

Enter desparity. Maybe a hotel ballroom wouldn't be so bad? Who really looks at the carpet and curtains anyway? TONS of weddings just have a plated chicken dinner, why do I have to be special? Say Hello to Janet Donovan at the Allerton Hotel. So responsive, so friendly, honest and open - and, you know what, the Renaissance Ballroom is actually freaking gorgeous and hey, instead of being outside the Conrad looking at the Allerton, what's wrong with being inside the Allerton looking at the Conrad? At least you know we'll all stay dry!

Then, I think back to when I was going to go the catering route and how awesome Stefani's Catering & Events was. Let's give them a call... Jennifer Monti seriously took me from eloping to being excited again in just 30 minutes. She was real and personal and flexible and friendly. Everything I needed. Not to mention a ton of information and advice about potential venues off the top of her head and great ideas for personalizing the event without blowing our budget after only speaking for a few minutes. A true pro. I'd be so happy to have her planning our event. Why then, you ask, isn't she?

Three words: The Wit Hotel.

One more word: Roof.

Now, an acronym: O.M.F.G.

Laura Ekker you are my special angel, sent from the place crazy people who don't deserve angels are deployed, on a mission to make me passionate again, not just about marrying the man I love, but celebrating that event with everyone who has made me me over the years.